Neriah started bouncing her way to the breast as soon as she was placed with her chest on my chest. It was so cool to watch!! She made her way to the left breast, and Shan began helping me get Neriah latched on. As soon as she latched, the nurse came and took her away to do all the wrapping, weighing, etc.
A couple hours later, a nurse came in to help me get Neriah latched. While we were attempting this, Neriah's face froze and twitched, while her eyes started shaking back and forth. The nurse took Neriah and put her back in her 'bed', while she went to get someone from the NICU. The NICU lady took Neriah away to observe her for the night. There Neriah was given a bottle of formula. I don't recall being asked about this.
At home, less than 24 hours after Neriah was born, I attempted to get her latched again. It hurt SO badly, which is a sign of a bad latch. I couldn't for the life of me get Neriah to take more than the nipple... OUCH. We called Shan who came to help. We still couldn't get her latched. I started expressing colostrum and Shan showed me how to feed Neriah with a spoon.
That night was the worst. I was expressing SO hard, I majorly damaged/bruised my breast tissue. I was desperate to feed my baby! Neriah screamed all night, until finally at 2:30am, we called the on-call midwife who told us it would be fine to get some formula and cup feed it. I was so upset! The last thing I had wanted was to feed my baby formula.
The next day Shan came back with a friend who donated some breastmilk to us. What a blessing to be able to feed Neriah breastmilk instead of formula!! Apparently, Neriah had a small mouth, and couldn't fit enough of my breast into her mouth. We started to feed her with a syringe. I couldn't do it. Neriah would get frantic and move so much, I would bash her gums with the syringe. It made me sick to my stomach. I was also so devastated that I couldn't feed my baby that I cried all the time. The first week or two of Neriah's life was me crying and regretting having her. Poor James had to do all the feedings, and I was so upset that I couldn't feed her, that I couldn't even be in the room while he did it. I was so mad at Neriah, and I felt so jealous that James loved her so much, whereas I didn't feel like I did.
I started pumping right away, and my milk came in on day three I think. I was lucky to produce a lot, and had enough to feed Neriah all breastmilk. No more formula!!
After a couple of days, we got a tube thing that attached to the syringe so we could tape it to our finger and finger feed her (as shown in the picture). That was SO much easier because there was no way to injure Neriah's poor mouth. We began to get into a rhythm with finger feeding, and I started to feel better. I offered my breast at least once a day, which always ended in both Neriah and me bawling out of frustration, and me passing her to James to feed. It was horrible.
We finger fed Neriah for three weeks. She got so much air and would cry out of pain because of the gas. The syringe was a 20cc syringe, and Neriah sometimes ate close to 200cc's. Feeding her sometimes took close to three hours because we constantly had to burp her, refill the syringe, and warm the breastmilk. It was so tiring. By the time we were done with a feed, it was almost time to feed her again.
Everyone kept telling us that she would eventually get it. All I wanted to do was give up and giver her a bottle with formula. I hated pumping every two-four hours. Sometimes I would miss a pump, and I was so scared my supply would dry up. At the same time, I almost wanted it to so I could just give up. Neriah had successfully latched on a couple of times, which kept me from giving up. I knew she COULD get it.
Honestly, one of the main things that kept me from giving up was the midwives. I couldn't face going to an appointment and telling them I was bottle feeding formula. I had it in my mind that I would give up after my last, 6 week appointment.
The midwives referred me to the breastfeeding clinic in Vancouver. We went in to show the doctor what Neriah would do at the breast. She would latch on, suck for a bit, pull off. Repeat until she was screaming in frustration. Well, at the clinic, Neriah latched on right away!! I was SO mad! She had done this previously at the midwife's office too. Luckily, she didn't stay on long, and the resident got to see a little of what she usually did. The doctor came in and told me to use the nipple shield. I had tried this before, and it hurt SO badly. I did not want to use it. The tried to get Neriah to latch on the shield so that it wouldn't hurt, but it still did. They still wanted me to use it and they made me an appointment to go back in a week. They also gave us permission to use bottles. What a blessing to not have to finger feed anymore!! Though it took some time for Neriah to figure out how to use a bottle, it was still easier than finger feeding.
Neriah didn't latch on once after the clinic appointment. When we went back to the clinic, again, Neriah latched on right away and had a full feed on both breasts. The doctor acted like it was my fault for not trying hard enough. Was she aware of all I had been through?! That we were so determined to breastfeed that we finger fed for three weeks?! The doctor actually acted like we were stupid for finger feeding. Both appointments kind of made me feel dumb, and really weren't that helpful.
However, after that second appointment, when Neriah was four weeks old, she finally started to get the hang of breastfeeding!! We were still using the nipple shield, but that was okay. I was so excited and proud of my little baby!
Today is the first day we haven't used a bottle. AND we've only used the nipple shield once, and only on one side!! I am SO glad I didn't give up!!! That's not to say it's easy. It's still hard. We both still get frustrated sometimes. It still hurts. I actually heated up a bottle today when Neriah had been feeding for over two hours, and I didn't see an end in sight. She wouldn't take it though, and I was kind of glad. Breastfeeding is finally becoming the 'bonding' experience everyone says it is!
A couple hours later, a nurse came in to help me get Neriah latched. While we were attempting this, Neriah's face froze and twitched, while her eyes started shaking back and forth. The nurse took Neriah and put her back in her 'bed', while she went to get someone from the NICU. The NICU lady took Neriah away to observe her for the night. There Neriah was given a bottle of formula. I don't recall being asked about this.
At home, less than 24 hours after Neriah was born, I attempted to get her latched again. It hurt SO badly, which is a sign of a bad latch. I couldn't for the life of me get Neriah to take more than the nipple... OUCH. We called Shan who came to help. We still couldn't get her latched. I started expressing colostrum and Shan showed me how to feed Neriah with a spoon.
That night was the worst. I was expressing SO hard, I majorly damaged/bruised my breast tissue. I was desperate to feed my baby! Neriah screamed all night, until finally at 2:30am, we called the on-call midwife who told us it would be fine to get some formula and cup feed it. I was so upset! The last thing I had wanted was to feed my baby formula.
The next day Shan came back with a friend who donated some breastmilk to us. What a blessing to be able to feed Neriah breastmilk instead of formula!! Apparently, Neriah had a small mouth, and couldn't fit enough of my breast into her mouth. We started to feed her with a syringe. I couldn't do it. Neriah would get frantic and move so much, I would bash her gums with the syringe. It made me sick to my stomach. I was also so devastated that I couldn't feed my baby that I cried all the time. The first week or two of Neriah's life was me crying and regretting having her. Poor James had to do all the feedings, and I was so upset that I couldn't feed her, that I couldn't even be in the room while he did it. I was so mad at Neriah, and I felt so jealous that James loved her so much, whereas I didn't feel like I did.
I started pumping right away, and my milk came in on day three I think. I was lucky to produce a lot, and had enough to feed Neriah all breastmilk. No more formula!!
After a couple of days, we got a tube thing that attached to the syringe so we could tape it to our finger and finger feed her (as shown in the picture). That was SO much easier because there was no way to injure Neriah's poor mouth. We began to get into a rhythm with finger feeding, and I started to feel better. I offered my breast at least once a day, which always ended in both Neriah and me bawling out of frustration, and me passing her to James to feed. It was horrible.
We finger fed Neriah for three weeks. She got so much air and would cry out of pain because of the gas. The syringe was a 20cc syringe, and Neriah sometimes ate close to 200cc's. Feeding her sometimes took close to three hours because we constantly had to burp her, refill the syringe, and warm the breastmilk. It was so tiring. By the time we were done with a feed, it was almost time to feed her again.
Everyone kept telling us that she would eventually get it. All I wanted to do was give up and giver her a bottle with formula. I hated pumping every two-four hours. Sometimes I would miss a pump, and I was so scared my supply would dry up. At the same time, I almost wanted it to so I could just give up. Neriah had successfully latched on a couple of times, which kept me from giving up. I knew she COULD get it.
Honestly, one of the main things that kept me from giving up was the midwives. I couldn't face going to an appointment and telling them I was bottle feeding formula. I had it in my mind that I would give up after my last, 6 week appointment.
The midwives referred me to the breastfeeding clinic in Vancouver. We went in to show the doctor what Neriah would do at the breast. She would latch on, suck for a bit, pull off. Repeat until she was screaming in frustration. Well, at the clinic, Neriah latched on right away!! I was SO mad! She had done this previously at the midwife's office too. Luckily, she didn't stay on long, and the resident got to see a little of what she usually did. The doctor came in and told me to use the nipple shield. I had tried this before, and it hurt SO badly. I did not want to use it. The tried to get Neriah to latch on the shield so that it wouldn't hurt, but it still did. They still wanted me to use it and they made me an appointment to go back in a week. They also gave us permission to use bottles. What a blessing to not have to finger feed anymore!! Though it took some time for Neriah to figure out how to use a bottle, it was still easier than finger feeding.
Neriah didn't latch on once after the clinic appointment. When we went back to the clinic, again, Neriah latched on right away and had a full feed on both breasts. The doctor acted like it was my fault for not trying hard enough. Was she aware of all I had been through?! That we were so determined to breastfeed that we finger fed for three weeks?! The doctor actually acted like we were stupid for finger feeding. Both appointments kind of made me feel dumb, and really weren't that helpful.
However, after that second appointment, when Neriah was four weeks old, she finally started to get the hang of breastfeeding!! We were still using the nipple shield, but that was okay. I was so excited and proud of my little baby!
Today is the first day we haven't used a bottle. AND we've only used the nipple shield once, and only on one side!! I am SO glad I didn't give up!!! That's not to say it's easy. It's still hard. We both still get frustrated sometimes. It still hurts. I actually heated up a bottle today when Neriah had been feeding for over two hours, and I didn't see an end in sight. She wouldn't take it though, and I was kind of glad. Breastfeeding is finally becoming the 'bonding' experience everyone says it is!
3 comments:
Found you on the bump! So proud of you for hanging in there and not giving up on BFing. It is hard work but worth all of the benefits for you and her. Check me out at www.alysbloggityblog.blogspot.com!
Saw you on the bump and just wanted to tell you that I had a little problems with breastfeeding and had to do the finger feeding aswell and it's so inspiring to see your story and how you're making it! Good luck and congrats on your BEAUTIFUL baby!
Saw you on the Bump as well. Your story is so encouraging - thanks for sharing.
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